Sweet 16 to Sweet 116 Secrets

I mean really, sweet 16 to sweet 116. Wow!

The secrets that have been mentioned are that:
1. She minds her own business. Clever woman.
2. Eat lots of fruit and vegetables, and NO junk food.
3. Maintain a great sense of humor.
4. Do Crosswords or use  other brain stimulation.

Now don't say I didn't warn you. These aliens have the strangest powers.

You see them changing to all these new alternative methods and healthy foods, like nuts, salads and veg. They lay the table with an array of rabbit food. They go to great lengths to make it all look so pretty and inviting. Yet, we maintain that we need our meat and to get our fat on.
After all, we need to oil our joints and wash it down with a good pint,
don't we?
They taunt you with "You must watch your heart" and "That's not good for your liver" etc. One would think they were our mothers the way they carry on.
However,with this old dame, Bess Cooper, living to a ripe old age of 116 years, maybe it is time to re-think our manly reasoning. What if they are right? Wouldn't you want to live a little longer? Perhaps healthier? of course you would.

Now I am not saying that we need to stop eating meat. What I am saying is that we need to cut down on our intake. Instead of 2 chops have one. Fill your plate with vegetables and salads and then garish with little bits of meat.

When you think about this, you have to consider that you might have to put up with her crap a lot longer than you could ever have imagined. You might as well be healthier and , yes...more fit so as to be able to take up the challenge. What is the point of being lethargic all day. Diving for the Berrocca for energy.

I say, we need to secretly agree with these aliens. At least when it comes to food, alternative medications and perhaps lifestyle. Choke!

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China's Ring! My Hat!

The portal would be in China as they have the most woman there. I mean 21-12-2012 is on our doorstep.

How appropriate.

China's Ring? Trust the Chinese aliens to convince the men to build a portal. This will allow the even more obnoxious aliens to come and finish the men off. What were the men thinking? Are you men so lame that you don't know that you are being led around by the nose.
I bet some China-man thinks this was his idea.
I presume that the aliens have discovered how to produce sperm now. They don't need the men anymore. I have warned you, that once they know how to reproduce without us, there will be no more need for us men.

It is time to hone your survival skills with only a month to go.
Click Here for more Realistic Info.

Rubber or Grubber

I was sitting at the end of a bar, having a quiet drink. There are friends sitting to my left, but on their own vibe.

This young alien comes and plonks herself on the last chair and spreads her legs and starts to grind herself with a soft moaning.

I look over at her and say,"your birthday is going very well."

She starts peaking and grabs for my hand. I calmly take the hand of a friend next to me and pass it on to her behind my back.

The moaning increases and as she climaxes she notices that I have both my hands in front of me. In a soft voice she says "I never knew you had three hands..."and a faint giggle.

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Tell her

If something is bothering you, and you keep it bottled up, you are going to regret it. You have to get it of your chest.

Tell her what the problem is, even if you have to rant and rave to get your point across. But tell her.

She will now move around you for a while, until she can concede that you are right, in her own time. After which she will change into this fake nice person, to prove that she is not like that.

Believe me, this only lasts for a while. So take advantage of this time to mention some of the smaller things that are bothering you.

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Dating Drunken Woman

Well to get laid in a hurry we like to ply our dates up with a little bit of juice. The operative word here is little, perhaps a glass or two, no more. The inhibitions slip away and we are on the road to getting laid. The problem is when you have drowned the wench in wine and she is now of no physical use to you, unless you are seriously hard up and horny. They are worse than any man when it comes to being over the limit. Who wants a fall down drunk for a girlfriend anyway? Can you see her as the mother of your children?
These creatures are not up to the drinking capacity that we men can handle. So if you are drinking it up to gain the courage, then rather go to the bar to order your drinks and have a shooter by yourself. Then when you feel that you are now confident enough to make your move, she will be at the same level although she is way behind you on drinks.
You want to keep her in the happy drunk frame of mind and dare not go any father because once she enters the aggressive mode you are wasting your time.
The aliens also want to get laid and probably just as much as we do, but we need to know that it is not the booze that gets them there. It is the frame of mind that we put them in.
All the wining and dining is a ritual that is merely a guide to how to get a woman in the mood. It still is up to you to get her into a conversation that she enjoys talking about, steering her subjects with gentle, yet persuasive prompts. This done by finding out what she likes, her hobbies, her passions etc and asking questions about them with keen interest.
EG. Say something like,"I find that it is important to know what our passions are. Then we need to k now how to make money from them. This way we will enjoy going to work everyday, because we are doing the things that we are passionate about." and then ask her what she is passionate about and then help her think of ways to make money from this. More on this later.
Back to the subject of the drunken tart.
Drag it home,rip it's clothes off, throw it on the bed and bang it to your hearts content. Then roll over and go to sleep like most men do anyway and in the morning pretend  (if necessary) that you don't remember a damn thing.