Xmas - No Problem

With all this excitement over the festive period, I am happy to announce that I feel completely rested. Being a pucker male I have allowed the aliens the right to go ahead and take charge in this family orientated quest that comes once a year, making complete fools of themselves.
"Look what I did, and all that."
By allowing them the reigns to carry on at will I managed to get completely drunk and rehabilitated in a matter of days without the usual complaints.
Never before have I seen so many destroyed men, moping about because they had all the running around to do, the cleaning up and carting away.
Have you guys not been listening to what I am trying to teach you. You can only win by letting them win. Give them the go ahead and watch them fly...completely out of your way.
So dry up your tears my fellow men and grow a pair. You have created your own monsters and it is only you who can slay them. Dust yourselves off and start again. A woman wants a MAN. It only appears that they are concerned when you sit with your beer in front of the TV and burp and fart. However they prefer to have you where they can find you at short notice in case.
An alien will only live for you...if you are are worth living for.

Rubber or Grubber

I was sitting at the end of a bar, having a quiet drink. There are friends sitting to my left, but on their own vibe.

This young alien comes and plonks herself on the last chair and spreads her legs and starts to grind herself with a soft moaning.

I look over at her and say,"your birthday is going very well."

She starts peaking and grabs for my hand. I calmly take the hand of a friend next to me and pass it on to her behind my back.

The moaning increases and as she climaxes she notices that I have both my hands in front of me. In a soft voice she says "I never knew you had three hands..."and a faint giggle.

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