Shouting on the Rooftop

It was 4 am and the little dog was yapping, yapping and yapping. By this time she had had enough. She climbed all the way up to the rooftop. When she got there, she proceeded to address the direction of the commotion. It went something like this...

"If you don't shut that fucking dog up, I will personally come over there and shut it up for you. Permanently."

And then there was silence.

Later she joked about removing all the dogs innards and staking it to the front door.  But I wonder. Many a true word is spoken in jest.

Where Were You?

I woke up this morning and slid out of bed, my feet hitting the cold parquet flooring. I decided  to give the blood a chance to reach my feet before standing up.
Thoughts of the days events began racing through my mind. I stood up and ambled over to the washbasin to wash my face and clear my head. I looked up into the mirror and smiled silently to myself. What a fast paced day I was in for.
I washed up and then sat down to a strong cup of coffee, briefly going over some paperwork. As soon as I had my plan for the day, the rush set in.
I jumped in a shower and quickly got dressed. Then I headed for the door still smiling. As I reached my car a thought struck home. You know when you get that feeling that you have forgotten something? I hesitated for a moment, then brushed the idea aside and climbed into my car.
I was just about to turn the key when a sharp knock on my window got my attention. Here in the broad daylight was the most stunning babe in her nightgown and boy did she look pissed.
I rolled down my window and started to explain that I knew I had forgotten something, when I felt a sharp crack against my cheek.
"Where the F..k were you last night?"