Shouting on the Rooftop

It was 4 am and the little dog was yapping, yapping and yapping. By this time she had had enough. She climbed all the way up to the rooftop. When she got there, she proceeded to address the direction of the commotion. It went something like this...

"If you don't shut that fucking dog up, I will personally come over there and shut it up for you. Permanently."

And then there was silence.

Later she joked about removing all the dogs innards and staking it to the front door.  But I wonder. Many a true word is spoken in jest.

Xmas - No Problem

With all this excitement over the festive period, I am happy to announce that I feel completely rested. Being a pucker male I have allowed the aliens the right to go ahead and take charge in this family orientated quest that comes once a year, making complete fools of themselves.
"Look what I did, and all that."
By allowing them the reigns to carry on at will I managed to get completely drunk and rehabilitated in a matter of days without the usual complaints.
Never before have I seen so many destroyed men, moping about because they had all the running around to do, the cleaning up and carting away.
Have you guys not been listening to what I am trying to teach you. You can only win by letting them win. Give them the go ahead and watch them fly...completely out of your way.
So dry up your tears my fellow men and grow a pair. You have created your own monsters and it is only you who can slay them. Dust yourselves off and start again. A woman wants a MAN. It only appears that they are concerned when you sit with your beer in front of the TV and burp and fart. However they prefer to have you where they can find you at short notice in case.
An alien will only live for you...if you are are worth living for.